On the Saturday, I tried to do a little doll up. I wore fake eyelashes, put some light eye shadows.On saturday, I don't quite feel that well, putting on an upfront to go for ndp performances. It might due to the noise level, I felt suffocating with a lack of oxygen.My head was heavy and I need to drink a few cups of warm water.I apply some medical oils. I went to quite a few times to the ladies. I wanted to walk away. Only by sitting near to an unenclosed place, I would feel better.There were medical support group by myself, bringing the medical oils. It wasn't consider that bad then. Luckily I tell myself to continue and preserve. The supper was great. I manage to chat with some people.We had supper. I knew one thing, I do wish to study, continue to do things I left out.

I had a day, felt very uncertain, unsure and unsecure. It was most likely due to my conatct lens. I went by myself to buy the contact lens lotions.I went to work. I think people could feel I were thinking too much.I have lots of thoughts in mind. I agreeded. I kept thinking my posters, invitation card, my stuffs. My planning of the schedules of daily activites too.

It had been one month since he was back from far wonderland. I still think of him. I do need to admit I did had a crush on him.A lot of love and hate one.Were I ever knew the meaning or having a deep love relationship before, I weren't unsure too. The feelings still linger around the air. I wish I could stop it.When he was far away,the conversations flow so easily.  However, there were too many factors that really distant us away. Or I should say I were really scared and afraid of his actions.Moreover, I would prefer to fix my own life. One of my Malay lady friend passed by me: She gave me advise to focus on earning money. Which I agree too. Without money, there were lots of limtations one can or cannot do.Even if money comes to me, could I catch it well enough and to let it grow inside my pockets. Still I would like to do some of my revisions and readings.I want to have a broader view of thinking through readings.

I knew I would really seek most of his advise on matters. Couldn't we that good friends once back again. I felt awkward and shy. Lets just growth in our own ways.

Some others people come to my mind, It makes me lost trust in people sometimes. Or even couldn't really believe if things going on were that real.