I visited the medical doctor once again. I really need to do my readings and understandings. Without sufficient knowledges, one is like having a bow and a arrow. The bow string is spoilt like that. Different doctors have their own sayings. It just made me couldn't think straight right. Once obstacles is going to clear. what about the next? The western doctor mentioned if you have any sickness one should go western doctor rather than chinese doctor. I am still blur. Don't know what I am doing. I just feel helpless like even this small thing couldn't make a decision to follow which doctor and prescriptions. The doctor mentioned don't follow the health supplements products not from the pharmacy. Other products I am trying too. I think I lack of Ions. There were subcriptions like Neurobion for me, asked me go try Blackmore's, Kordel that have probiotics effects. I had these low blood pressure and I actually couldn't donate blood. I asked the doctor: Could I donate blood though I went to check for the Thats why I have others symptoms like headaches, stomach bloating and stuffs. People keep asking me to follow them. I already have no clues at all. what will they actually up to? Don't want to follow anyone, any people blindly anymore. I think all these years I kept attending activites but I lose myself among these activites too. It is the best I just go to the activites that I like or I hope to understand. Sometimes don't want to ask people along. But I got to not be too soloist. Still have to ask people together for activites. Don't know what to say but just want to be free for now. Is it due to I like freedom? Singlehood is the best. These people I encountered these years gave me so much challenges and questioning to myself. It is all about health, nutritions and good diets.
Someone just passed away today Shirui. I wonder I don't know the person. I keep hearing people mention her name. Sometimes people don't know the person but would try to ask people to chant and pray for her happiness while she was undergoing some medical treatments. This let me pondered in depth about life and death issues. Do people still care for another soul if the person have not meet that person. Are they really sincerity between people. Probably, nowadays my mindsets are more to finding opportunities to earn more income. I am really in debts, some legal cases. Also in debts of the human debts. I keep begging for help is not an issues. Thats Why HE ignores me to let me learn a lesson. Well, It doesn't matters. I actually hope to meet new people so to get over people of the closest friends I still pondered on. There were places like adventures groups, meetup singles.I keep on going social networking. probably, let me take a little break and come back to hear my inner voices. Hope I wouldn't lose my spiritual self and also my pride and dignity. Does pride and dignity means a thing if one really is in need of earning the incomes. Yes as a human being, we still have. But life is cruel and real reality, doesn't it. The weak will continue to get bully, outcast. The strong and the richer will get richest. Can't these powerful people with statuses and high level of education bring me up to the level of ladders. So at least I feed myself, provide income for my family members too. Also to have more incomes to do the stuffs I could enjoy. Also to be able to gain recognition as a citizen here. This let me wonder my close friend April Foo. How have you been doing? You stop letting me contact you. Sometime you would reply my messages but not most of the time. I missed you. I were not scary. It is just that sometimes I were too close with anyone, be it ladies or guys. I just would feel that I were in love with the person, maybe a lady. It is just an assumptions but may not be a YES. Do I like both genders? This is for me to know. Can't my friends treat me better? Still remembered me :) Let me forget these people and bother about the things I hope to do to enjoy.
I were still unhappy nor satisfied. That makes me hope to gain back my Identity. I still have my different projects need to do. I just hope my sibilings would follow me to the activites I joined or gives me moral supports. It is not most of the time they would come and give me moral support. Everyone had their own life style they would like to achieve. We couldn't actually tied any one of your close kin by your side anymore.
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