Awareness

Wisdom: Conflicts

I am observing myself more these days. Where is the interest in learning? I got a tendency to look external. Does most people do that? Probably this is the shortcuts or laziness in people who wanted to rush to succeed fast. My trainer pointed out to me.It only showed the impatience in oneself.

Sometimes I lose interest because I cannot see any progress? Will we making the efforts to continuosusly practise non-stops.I expected results.I need to learn from what I am doing, not just sit there and expect results.I need to be aware of and learn from what is happening right now,I need to look at the process of meditation itself.

I am packing myself with activities, trainings, cooking, writings sutras. I just hope to learn these. Probably doing things at the right timing really matters. Weighing the priorities, are just like shifting or moving or clearing the shelves or slotting documents in the right place.

I guess I am unhappy such that I lose awareness. Actually I should be happy. Cause it means I am aware.

Information - Intelligence - Wisdom

Information Technology

Once start off with collecting data, the accumulated data becomes information, information develops into knowledge, using all this knowledge in skillful ways is wisdom.

Wisdom decides the issues need to dealt with first.

Give my time, feel my way through the things that are happening, try to understand and gather as much information, as I can. Investigate the issues I hope to settle. Now, my mind feel calmer without having to be in the crowds. By observing though.

Whenever I recognise that something is happening all over , and over again, my mind have taken certain states of mind. I should actually try to enjoy myself,so the interest will come back again. Cause one need to balance out. The mind will tend to develop a sense of curiosity, a tendency to investigate. Curiosity is an expression of wisdom. All the questions will give it a sense of direction then. Just use the questions that arises naturally.

I think is the anger, displeases in myself that causes all this happenings.

I guess I should look into myself. I am trying to know about feeling a sense of worth through the activites, a sense of security, like I do things I have never try before.

Slowly recognising that people are starting to go for a social gatherings in different groups, actually allowed you to understand how the society forms,the people's mindsets.

Now, I don;t go often. I dislike people agreeing on the appointments but couldn't turn up.Thus, I knew such that they just don't want to reject on the straight face. People who meant not interested, just that they were not wanting to get involve in you in any way. However, they do things secretly. I guess the person actually give hints on her intentions, good things she wouldn't share, or she would share with people of a higher chances in cooperating.

Issues in r/s

I guess people who have a change of hearts.I just keep hearing about people issues.
1. First, people who are your closest. Take a break from them. Meet less, still keep in contact.

Love-Hate
1. I guess it is your episodes of dramas I watched sub-consiously. I reminded myself , hope not to be involve.
2. The unhappy within couples. One party have a change of heart.
3. Social medias are the causes these days. Will one follow others if the person admire or adore the person.
3. The mutual friend that one know each others.
Solutions
A Run away
B Don't Run Away
C. Give time to know more people
D Voice Out
E Look for new friends
F.Look for new friends, keep old
G.Keep both

What about the children and others stuffs?
The houses, and all that. I just don't feel the trust now. Probably I am bringing up my worth.
The sufferings. I guess I am preparing to see myself move into another stage of life. 
Well, all these need socialising. I guess, it is not a hurry. I just hope to settle my own issues, without getting involved with more to come. I just hope to learn to be financially independent.I like to clear my plates. Hope to feel more a worth person, doing the hobbits.
1. Sorting documents in the exact folders. 2. Discovering medias websites that I could learn about. 3.Exhibits four panels every two weeks or twice a month. 4. Calligraphies for exhibits.5. Getting in touch with handicrafts of jewelleries. 6. Money, Dollars and Sense website. 7. Finance literacy website that I seen my friends have been doing. 8. Cooperating with a few people together and form a web, a group performances.9. Competitions. 10. Medias Knowledge, Eg. Online Audio-Cutter of sounds editings.